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The Lily Maid [userpic]

September 10th, 2008 (11:49 am)

I haven't been updating because I've been in a rut lately. Not that work and school aren't great, it's just that I seem to have lost all of my self esteem because of something that I have neglected to mention. Not to worry, everything is wonderful with my beloved friends and family, but a guy entered my life last year and I thought...well, you'll see if you read what's behind the cut.

All right, so I made the mistake of falling for my boss at work. Here's the thing: I still like him despite my best judgement. He's a really nice guy, but I finally woke up and realized that despite our mutual attraction, it would never work out.

Reasons for this? Number one has to be the age difference. He's 32, I'm 20. That is just ridiculous. Now, I can't help liking him despite of this, but would my parents ever be okay with him dating me? No. Also, he has kids. That's reason number two. Not that I'm averse to children, it's just that he's at a different point in my life than me.

Another big thing is that my family and friends who know about this crush have been very disappointed in me, and I don't blame them. I've actually left a couple of my friends hanging so I can go hang out with him at work. That is not the type of person I used to be and I refuse to allow it to continue.

Finally, he has on several occasions said suggestive things to me that make me wonder what kind of a person he really is. He told me he liked me while he still had a girlfriend. First of all, that's just inappropriate. Second of all, if that's what type of person he is, what does that say about me? I lowered my standards and lied to some of my family members just for one person who I have no future with.

The worst part of all this is that I feel like a total IDIOT for ever liking him...and I still have feelings for him. I know that it's normal, but I just wish there was a pill I could take to make me ever forget that I liked him. It's just such a bad situation and I'm really upset with myself right now.

Anyways, onto happier thoughts! I really like all my classes and I even started a few clubs on campus that have gotten off the ground, so I should be really proud of myself for that right now. I hope the rest of my week is great and I hope yours are too!